Dragon

Sometimes it just works. Unexpectedly, the usual amount of vague ideas, lack of "proper planning" and even a little resisitance still all come together.
We have a large box of art stuff, largely different types of coloured pencils, plus pastels, crayons, more pencils and lots and lots of half-used pads of different sizes and weights of paper. Every time I try to clear it out we get stuck with all the still untried possibilities. (But why are they still untried?) So my art curriculum this term has boiled down to opening the art box and using the stuff in there.
So that is what my daughter and I did yesterday. She really just wanted to carry on drawing her pictures to send to a friend (surely, my doubtful voice says, that is just as much art as my idea?) but agreed to give it half-an-hour. We settled on dragons as we have some delightful dragon stencils and I gave her the challenge of doing four pictures, each with a different material and different paper, and I joined her.

It was fun. She developed a character for one of her creations and was inspired to write a poem. She thought it would be "cool" to have a poem in which each line started with the letters that spell out "DRAGON" and my son let her know that this was an acrostic. We played with words and she wrote her poem and then copied it out onto her picture, which now, along with seven other dragons, decorates our mantlepiece.

Dragon

Deep in the wood,

Residing in a black cave,

All his skin green;

Guzzling a young deer,

Orchids scattered everywhere,

Never more to return to the land of men.

 Middle son had, meanwhile, been baking, so we switched chapter book for Poetry Tea. devoured awesome, warm cherry cake and shared poems. Eldest son read us a poem he has written for his English course and a story which he has just heard has made it through to the second round of a national competition. We were reminded of the Geographical Fugue and listened to it on youtube.

Sometimes it just works.

Reviewing the Twelve- Numbers Three, Four and Five

The next goal was to bake 12 items per month. This has proved well beyond what I could achieve. The idea was born from the concept of a baking day, one day a week when I would be based in the kitchen and make a number of different treats: bread  by hand, a tray-bake or cookies, muffins or a sponge and a fruit cake. I would have the oven on just the once for everything, not need to wash up after every mixing as I would work my way from light mixtures to darker, as explained to me by a bed-and-breakfast proprietor I met on a bread-making course, and the house would be filled with the smell of fresh-cooked goodies and my cupboards would always be full for the unexpected visitor.
It hasn't happened. Not once. I am far too busy. It is this fact that gets under my skin. Am I really too busy or do I just not make the time? Baking day became baking afternoon, but it is always the first to be cut when life throws up an unexpected complication (like a meeting with a potential student, or tradesmen in the house again).
My son has also taken on the project of a cake a week, which we are all enjoying, and the one time I did bake a cake and cookies we were over-run with cake and felt obliged to hurry up and eat it.
In thinking this through, I realise that it is a dream I have had for a number of years and one that makes me feel warm inside. I love cake, I love baking and I love having good things to offer. But perhaps it is one that I can't priorise at the moment. And, if it is so important to me, then something else needs to take the unexpected - and yet usually weekly - hit. I need to find something less important, and, if there isn't anything, accept that regular, large-scale baking will just have to wait.

I have been much more successful with the tumble-drier. Whereas my washing always went straight from machine to drier, it has become habit for me to hang it on the airer, leave it for 24 hours and fold it next morning. It is great to have the tumble-drier for soft towels, suddenly remembered football kit and those days when the amount of washing threatens to overwhelm me, but I am pleased that I have broken the unthinking habit and am living just a little bit lighter on the environment.

Both January and February have seen my eldest and I in the pub pondering his writing over a drink. He takes his goal of publishing a novel very seriously and it is important to take time out of my thought-life and enter his for a while. It hasn't felt easy to find the time, even twice, but it has been so valuableand I will be pulling out my diary and putting in red pen our next date.

Creating a path II

My middle son is not such a natural writer, he does not have such a natural affinity for words, he does not particularly like to read and seldom spontaneously writes. It’s not that he is reluctant, but just that it isn’t something he feels passionate about.
He is a funny and happy child and likes to put humour into his writing; he tends to write as if he is chatting to a friend and tends to put in jokes and asides. He does not delve much into ideas or expand on his topic but his is quite happy to free-write for 10 minutes. He can write (or at least print) very neatly and is happy to do copy-writing, although he would always prefer a shorter passage and it takes him quite a time. His spelling in freewrites is very original but he can usually spot and even correct mistakes.
I would like him to write in joined-up writing and then to work on writing a bit quicker but still neatly. I would like to see his automatic spelling improve. I would like him to develop his ideas and write more about one topic or point. I would like to encourage him to write about factual things (his interest in cars or what he learned about in his history lesson or how to play his favourite computer game) in a more ordered and logical, “followable” way.
I think this last goal is a good one to focus on. I think that talking through the topic with him, encouraging his ideas to be more step-by-step and slowing down his free-writing would be the way forward. Perhaps I will start with post-it notes, and then alternate sentences, then move on to him writing three or four sentences before I interject, or me adding words to his sentences to encourage more idea development and I think lots of good conversation before-hand will be key as I try to understand what he wants to write so that my writing makes sense and encourages him.

Creating a Path I

Our four week course is drawing to a close and we have been encouraged to reflect on each of our child writers and to look into the future as to how we will continue to work with them. These are my thoughts today on my little girl:

My daughter is a natural story-teller. She talks and talks and talks. She loves to tell stories and she loves to listen to stories. She usually asks for CDs from the library to listen to and is usually very engaged in our chapter books. Her reading skills are not yet strong enough for her to be able to enjoy the kinds of stories in books that she likes to listen to. Her writing skills are increasing daily. She enjoys copywriting and is happy to edit her work.

I would like to support her in developing her concrete skills (spelling, handwriting, punctuation) so that she can comfortably write the stories in her head. Also, she needs to learn to type so that she can edit her work on the computer and publish it more easily. I would also like to help her begin to develop more complex or deeper ideas.

I loved doing both the alternate sentences and the dialogue with her. We both had fun and it felt very connecting. She commented on my spelling which showed me that she was reading what I was writing as well as listening to it, and noticing how I wrote. By being "in the middle of her writing" with her I can encourage her to develop her thoughts, I can draw out more of her ideas and gently challenge her.

I am committed to returning to copy-writing and will approach the editing of it more systematically, encouraging her to hunt out her own spelling mistakes and gradually to look for punctuation errors (5p a mistake found certainly increased motivation!). I will also gently and lightly edit her free-writes: a quick once over for tricky spellings and tidying up the punctuation.

I will move on to the idea of introducing words to her sentences, words such as “therefore” or “for example” or “but” to help her extend her ideas. I would like to move on to her writing three or four sentences and then me adding one to encourage more writing from her while keeping it focussed.

I am excited about next half-term's writing!

Dialogue

My kids are amazing. Every mum says that, and I'm sure yours are too, but today I have really seen and felt and enjoyed that.We are continuing on our journey of Dynamic Revision and one suggestion for this week's assignment was to write an imaginary dialogue. My little girl chose the cat and the dog. She wrote from the dog's point of view and I from the cat's. It made us both think about writing in character, how would the cat reply to our dog? Not very nicely. It's not what I would say, but our grumpy feline wouldn't mince words! With my boys we chose people from the chapter book we have just finished and wrote "behind-the-scenes" dialogues, what might have been said but we, the readers, were not privy to. We extended our sense of audience by reading the conversations aloud to a lunch-time visitor. My children have been witty, careful and fun. Their spelling and punctuation wasn't too bad either! Much more that "good" pieces of work, these were fun times, a joint effort, a connection between mum and child. It is experiences like these that make me love home ed!

Partnership

Partnership writing:  a Bravewriter idea. The family on-line course is refocusing me, reminding me that it’s about being alongside my children; about figuring out what they need and how I can support them in their writing. It’s about letting them dictate or doing conversational freewrites where we take turns to write back and forth or by taking time to read what they have written and engage in their work or seeing what they are doing well and building on it  andseeing their areas of weakness and looking for activities to strengthen them. Alongside – my children’s cheerleader, partner, guide.

My eldest gets in quite a state about maths. He can motivate himself to write 20,000 words in a month , finding the time each day, holding the entire story arc in his head, making himself sit down and type day after day but maths is another story. It is clearly painful and his description of it as pointless and dull does not seem to me sufficient to explain the depths of anguish he genuinely seems to feel. Maths has always been something of a problem especially at this time of year. I have noticed that all maths books seem to be arranged in the same way: number comes first which is simply adding up and the like and then comes algebra. This totally throws him. He can’t see the point and finds it hard. This is the time of tears and of wanting to give up. Once we’re through this we hit shape and space, which seems to make so much more sense to him: home strait, all the way to summer.

So yesterday had us having one of those, “You just have to try harder...  if you were in school...you don’t know you’re born,” type conversations. Not really a conversation:  me telling him and him gradually shutting down and feeling more and more a failure. Finally the voice of sanity managed make itself heard above the panic that my son will never get a maths qualification, will fail in life and it will be all my fault. Sanity reminds me that he is my little boy; and I love him; and he needs my help. He needs me to partner him: to sit next to him, to model solutions, to talk it through and to explain: Partnership Maths!  He needs me alongside, not the adversary but the friend, the supporter, the cheerleader. 15 minutes a day I have promised him throughout February. Alongside.

Freewrite on the dog

We have started to freewrite again, and now that my little girl is able to write a bit more herself, I am taking the opportunity to do some myself. My son says my work is 'very freewrite-ish.' I find it a helpful way of thinking, getting it all down and not worrying about how it sounds. I often find that answers are there, if I take the time to pin down the worries and stop them fluttering around my head. It's not necessarily good writing, it's not clean and polished, and it can sound something like this:

I am not sure what to write about. How do I feel about Coco? At the moment I am finding her quite difficult. She seems particularly 'mischievous' and 'into things' a the moment and it feels as if she is 'naughty'. She keeps taking stuff off the table and peeing on the carpet and I worry that she needs more exercise and she is bored. I really want her to get her Bronze award because I want her to be obedient and to run safely with me. OK, so what is it I want? What do I want her to do? I want her to obey commands like 'leave' so I feel in control of her and around people and things, that she is safe and comfortable to have around people and things, and homes and stuff, I want her to be safe in the park, to behave nicely around other people and dogs and to come back when she is called. I want her to walk and run nicely by my side so she can run safely with me and get enough exercise. I like the ideas of an award but I more want help and advice on how to train her better and I don't feel that I am getting that at puppy class. What advice/help did I get this week: shorter lead, consistent walks, less is more? Questions: how do I motivate her without treats? How do I deal with undesirable behaviour? How do I judge too much and too little exercise? I am worried about her being bored and therefore unhappy and difficult.

First Freewrite

We are having a chilled Sunday morning. My little girl has a cold and I prefer the evening service at church so we have stayed home. She has just brought me her first freewrite. It is beautiful and I am so proud. The spelling is creative and phonically accurate, the character endearing (and just a little familiar!) Here it is:

Hi. My name is Rosie Butterflynest. That's my full name. Yes, I know it,s quite odd. My mum, her name is Miss Ann. Dad's name is Max. If you go into Rice Road and then go left, you find a road called Honey Road. You will find a number 42, that is my house with the red door and the blue gate. That's my house. I have yellow hair. I have light skin. My favourite colour is yellow, yes, yellow. My favourite clothes are a pair of red socks. Do not tell anyone but I wear pink pants.

(Apparently is was okay for me to share that last bit with you!)

Pearls

"I've come to realise that you most probably won't find a pearl if you only
pick oysters once a year.... I'll learn to put up with the bad stuff,
remembering that the more I do of it, the closer I get to coming out with
something good."

I read the above (in Peter Elbow's 'Writing with Power') last night. It specifically refers to writing and, as I stick to my aim of 500 words a day on my writing projects, I am learning to blast through that self-critical, 'this is rubbish' voice and keep writing; trusting that, in the 9,000 words I've written since finishing my writing course, there must be something good.

I also suspect that this is true of Home Ed life and family life in general too. There is plenty of dross, plenty of nagging and complaining and whining, plenty of muddy, dreary moments. But the more time we spend together, the more times I seek to create an interesting, exciting or special time, the more pearls we find together.

It won't do

The course last night was fabulous: well-run, exciting, inspiring and it was easy to park! Kate, one of the two course leaders, had us do an exercise on what we wanted to write about, our Unique Selling Point, and I found this very revealing.
So often, in many areas of my life, I settle for what will do, not what is best or even what I really want. Take clothes buying. For years I have bought dull coloured items which just about fit, because they will do, they are ok and I really don't want to spend any more money or time trying things on. Two years ago I discovered Allison, the personal fashion advisor at John Lewis. She is an angel, truly. Now, when I have saved my pennies or my mum has been very generous at Christmas, I go and spend two hours with Allison. She encourages me to buy clothes that suit me and fit me. She is not the slightest bit pushy but she won't let me say, "Oh, this will do." As a result I have some clothes in my wardrobe that I really love and if anyone ever says to me, "I like your top/skirt/trousers," you can bet it's something that Allison helped me pick out.
So last night, as I thought about writing, I could think of lots of ideas that will do but I had to listen very carefully to hear that voice telling me what really excites me, what I most want explore. And it turns out that what I want to write about would involve a lot of research in order to build up the frame I want to hang my story on, the investment of time and effort, believing that I will produce something of worth at the end of it and that it won't just fizzle out, another thing that I never saw through. It turns out that if I really want to write, I will have to believe in myself and not just settle for something that will do.

Tonight's the night!

Three weeks ago I mentioned that I had signed up for a course on Writing Commerial Women's Fiction - well, it starts tonight! I have to confess that I am very nervous, from the trivial, (where will I park?) to the significant, (am I any good at this?) Having had a sneak preview of the other participants on the on-line conference, I am intimidated by their concrete achievements and published works. I got my final mark from my OU course and I was a little disappointed and my confidence has taken a knock. However, I am hanging on to the encouragement I have. My tutor's comments contained much positive praise, I have had cheering from the side-lines in the comments on my blog (thanks Kathy and Jane!) and my very generous mother has contributed a significant amount to the course fees, (thanks mum!), demonstrating her belief in me. My husband is ready to be home promptly and do bedtime all week, my son has willingly given up his Tuesday night activity so that I can have the car. All that remains is for me to show up and see what God has in store!

Head Over Heels

For the last eleven weeks, I have been taking a Creative Writing course with the Open University and I am about to submit my final assignment: a fifteen hundred word story. On Friday, I e-mailed my story to a friend to ask for some feedback. She is a published author and so I was eager to hear what she had to say. She was extremely helpful, offering both encouraging compliments and concrete suggestions as to what I could improve. Furthermore, she let me know about a Creative Writing course titled Head Over Heels that she will be teaching at my local University in a few weeks time. It runs over four consecutive evenings and will cover not only ideas and writing but also publishing and agents. I found out about this course on Sunday morning and the Early Bird discount booking ended on Sunday evening. With my husband's encouragement I signed up and am now eagerly awaiting the start. It seems a huge amount of money to have spent on myself and my wispy dream of writing. Perhaps I will be lucky and sell a few pieces and make my money back, perhaps not. Perhaps I will discover that I have passion and talent, perhaps I will become 'a writer' and find fulfillment and income along that path. What it has revealed to me is that I am afraid of taking this risk, afraid of wasting the money and the time. I am afraid of sticking my neck out and trying something at which I might fail. My prayer is that I might expand my vision of who I am and what I could be, of who God made me to be and all that He means me to become.

Haiku

Nothing worth a post,

Irritable and crabby.

Season of good cheer?

Image (c) FreeFoto.com

Am I a writer?

A little bit at a time, I am beginning to think of myself as a writer; or at least, a potential writer. I write every day here in my blog, and I have taken to carving out a little time in the week to write, even if it's just a 10 minute freewrite. I was playing around on Monday night and had go at a freewrite Kathy at 1o Minute Writer has set back in the Summer. Although I was tired and grumpy, the act of writing cheered me up and I even made me giggle (not everyone thinks I'm funny, but I do!) Kathy was kind enough to comment on my attempts and to encourage me to pursue the idea further. I have been perusing short story competitions and have sent off for a trial copy of a writers' magazine. I have discovered flash fiction and even micro-fiction, and I think I might give both a go. I have registered for an Open University short course "Start Writing Fiction". I like this journey - I wonder where it will lead?

Audacious

I treated myself to a Chai Latte in Caffe Nero yesterday afternoon and pulled out my copy of "Writing With Power" which I bought early this Summer. Recently letting go of a BA course has allowed me space to start thinking of myself as a writer again and I am eagerly looking for opportunities to explore. I was struck by the author's reason for returning to writing again after a block:

"I didn't just want to get things written for my own pleasure; I didn't
just want to hand something in that would satisfy or even dazzle some examiner
or judge; I wanted lots of people to believe what I was saying, to change their
minds and, damn it, to change their behaviour."

Am I allowed to feel like that too?

I am not known as a shy, retiring, quiet person: I have my opinions and I make them known. But I am wary of causing offence, of getting into heated discussion or of haranguing people. I will soften my arguments, present my weakest points and get easily side-tracked, not deliberately, but in an attempt to keep a conversation light. While I have not suddenly found a desire to lose all my friends by mouthing off about controversial topics, reading this yesterday opened a door, just a crack, to what it might be like to write with passion and conviction, to develop a "so sue me" attitude, to trust the strength of my beliefs, to trust that readers can cope with, and maybe even relish, being challenged and that they can always choose to stop if they don't like what they are reading.
I am challenged; I want to write with more conviction, more confidence, more audacity. I wonder what will happen?

Before I was a Mum

Kathy, over at 1o Minute Writer, sent me an interesting e-mail earlier this week, asking what I did before I was a mum. Replying to her set me thinking of all the different stuff I did before, and in fact since, motherhood.
I am a Physics Graduate, something I often keep quite quiet about. I remember at 13 insisting that I wouldn't do Physics O Level, but then it seemed, for all sorts of reasons, the most sensible choice. Similarly with A Level, which I loved and this led to my choice of degree. At the end of University, teaching seemed the most obvious choice, so I did my Teaching Certificate and took my first teaching job. This was not dissimilar to the Christians of Roman times being thrown before the lions! However, I survived my first year, coped with my second and was fed up of the school by the third. Then I saw a part-time teaching post in a Sixth Form College (16-18) advertised int he teaching press. Everyone I knew was very surprised at the idea of me working part-time, I didn't have children after all, but I did have a life and I had decided to enjoy it. While I wasn't teaching I ran and I did the London Marathon in April 1997. I also did a short course Triathlon and trained as a fitness instructor and this led to taking on another part time job at a local gym.
This was fun for a while, but after a year I was begining to get itchy feet again. I had regained my sanity and wanted a more challenging job. I wrote to the National Physical Laboratory and asked if they would like to employ me, and they did. So my next label was Research Scientist and I discovered the world of Microwave Antennae. Six months into this job I fell pregnant.
My boss was not keen on the idea of me returning part time and I was glad to leave and be a full time mother.
After my second child was born, I began training as a Breastfeeding Counsellor and qualified three years ago. I have been leading antenatal breastfeeding classes, counselling mums on the telephone and occasionally leading a drop-in clinic at the local hospital. In the last few years I have taken breadmaking courses and storytelling courses and dabbled in these.
For most of my life I would have flatly denied being creative. "Oh no," I would have said, "I am a science person." But this year, largely inspired by "The Artists Way", I have begun to change that view of myself, which has led to me beginning this blog back in June and to, even in recent days, discovering my poetry writing self. I am now considering taking and Open University course in Fiction Writing next spring.
Who knows where I'll be off to next!

On Cake

Like a beckoning whisper
the fragrance teases me.
The ghost of another's satisfaction
and I am jealous.
I glance over the bright packs of infusions
on the shelf,
none suggest such a rich and pungent experience.
I see the cake:
Soft, dark, thickly-sliced,
Plump currants glisten like jewels.
Placed on a cobalt edged plate.
Four pieces: one for each guest:
Assurance that one is for me.
Delight in discovery,
the smell: not a memory but an invitation.
Can earth show more grace than fresh-baked cake
brought at four o'clock?
Warm and moist, sweet and spicy.
A gift I will let my lips and my heart receive.

What am I writing for?

Here I am in Swanage library. We holiday with my very generous in-laws every year and it is the one week of my year when there are more adults than children around so I am not so much in demand as usual and I savour the opportunity to reflect and plan, to read and to think. I carefully chose which books to bring from the pile, both physical and metaphorical, waiting to be read and selelcted seven! One book I picked up off the library shelf before I left was Blogging for Dummies. I hope I'm not a 'dummy' but I am hoping to pick up some tips and ideas on how to make my blog an even more interesting place to visit. One of the books I've been reading is Peter Elbow's 'Writing with Power' which is also making me think about what I'm writing for, who I'm writing to. And then, by one of my favourite writers, Henri Nouwen, I discovered this:

I decided not to go to the library to do research on the topic but instead just
kept asking myself what I knew about it. What did I have available from my own
experience? What did I know about it? Did I have some experience with
this topic that I could articulate so that other people could recognize it as a
real experience? ... to say, in effect, " I don't know the answers either. I am
simply a catalyst, simply somebody who wants to articulate for you things that
you already know but might get a better grip on if there are some words for
them."

In a moment the blurriness focussed. This is what I would love my blog to be, what I aspire to, and what I love in the blogging of others. The feeling in my gut when I read something that puts into words what I has sensed, suspected, felt but had never drawn out before, never examined before, is very special. I hope that as I blog more and find my writer's voice, this is what this blog might become.

My Fruit Bowl

In my daily amble through my favourite blogs (getting a blog roll sorted is still on my 'To Do' list) I came across this post by Jen: Great advice for writers: never, ever hoard ideas, which led me to this blog, 10 Minute Writer. A few months ago I would not have called myself a writer but I am beginning to discover that it is something I like to do and something I am discovering that I can do, and here I am, in a blog, actually doing it! I frequently find that I have ideas for posts, or stories, and hoard them away for when I have time, time which never materialises. The Fruit Bowl idea is not mine but I liked it and it gave me a great title for a few random thoughts which I am not hoarding.

I have finished 'Difficult Conversations', one of the books I bought last week, and I have found it very thought provoking. I am almost hoping for some kind of situation to arise so I can try out these new skills! Having said that, I have already used this way of communicating with my children instead of the usual fish-wife approach and have been surprised by the increase in co-operation! The author writes of the need to communicate from a position of 'personal power', a place of self-esteem and congruence. She also writes much about our need of emotional awareness and honesty: 'Getting accustomed to your own emotional landscape - its irregularities, its sensitivities, the danger signs, your emotional needs and rhythms - can help towards long term emotional management. For now, though, it is enough to recognise your own emotional clues with curiosity and without censure.' All too frequently I will dismiss what I feel as 'silly'. I am going to try to develop a more curious and accepting attitude.

My eldest son has won a Special Prize for his re-telling of the story of Odysseus and the Cyclops in a Creative Writing competition! The judges' comments were detailed and encouraging; I was particularly pleased and proud to read they felt his writing had ' a strong sense of its own voice.' This idea of writer's voice is one that Julie at Bravewriter speaks of frequently and I found her Kidswrite Basic course earlier this year immensely helpful. Not only did it encourage and coach my son but I was also mentored in how to come alongside him in his writing and to be able to help him improve whilst preserving his ownership and that all important voice that is unique to him.

We watched '102 Dalmatians' yesterday, following on from the last two weeks of 'Media Studies'. I was pleasantly surprised because I had expected it to be dross as sequels so often are! We paused the DVD ooccasionally to discuss how the plot might work out and to look closely at how Cruella de Vil's return to her wicked ways was characterised by her smooth, coiffured hair springing out in wild abandon and her lipstick gradually changing colour. There was a lovely scene of Chloe and Kevin in a restaurant cutting back and forth with the meatball scene from 'Lady and the Tramp' and mirroring it beautifully. I am not sure that the Local Education Authority would approve of so much education by Disney but I know that I have begun to appreciate plot and characterisation better, largely through some of Julie's blog entries, and so I'm sure the children have too. I had to laugh aloud when the love interest appeared and my daughter's face lit up, 'I wonder how long until they get married?' - she is such a romantic!

Well, I've not been a 10 Minute Writer today, but at least I've no mouldy fruit!