I'm finding the blog really hard work at the moment. It is 3 months since I started blogging and I have had fun: it has made me laugh and I hope it has made you laugh; I have looked at life through a different lens as I have spotted 'bloggable moments'; I have enjoyed grappling with words to try and describe a moment just so; I have been thrilled to receive comments and to know that someone, somewhere is enjoying what I write.
But I recently my doubts have coming flooding back. 'Why would anyone be interested in you?' says the accuser in my head. If I write about how I've messed up, it feels like self-pity; if I write about how good things are it feels like showing off. If I sound off about Home Ed I wonder if I am strident, opinionated, defensive. I read other blogs, blogs that get dozens of comments, and wonder how they do that and why I don't. I have a stat counter so I can see how many visitors I have and I know that I have a handful of regular readers, and I wonder who you are. I wonder why so many first-time vistors don't come back. I chastise myself for trying to measure the success of this blog by external criteria, by judging myself by the reactions of others. Even writing this is causing me anxiety: am I just feeling sorry for myself? Exposing too much? Being, heaven help me, needy? Is this all just self-indulgence?
There is more to think about here, but it feels good to have got some of it out. I have no witty remark to end this time, just another morning with the children to begin and another day to live.
2 comments:
I suspect all bloggers go through the same sort of ponderings/anxieties as we settle into our very own niche. That niche draws readers who return again and again for inspiration, or just to peek at a life across the globe. I've so enjoyed your recent photos (I'm a photo kind of a gal, ;-) and sharing of family life...losing teeth, getting into cupboards for sugar, etc., which are so like my own family, though we're miles apart. Joy to you this day!!
Kathy @ www.restorationplace.typepad.com
Breathe. I come by and read because I met you on that bravewriter course and am interested in what you are up to. And I've met some interesting people on-line who have become friends in important ways. Certainly it is nice to see what others are doing.
It is easy to be self-critical. Too easy for many of us. Breathe. Figure out what you want to write about. And then write. Or not, if it causes more stress than it's worth.
Post a Comment