I began running in the Summer of 1994, the end of my first year of both teaching and marriage. I was stressed and I was tired - more to do with being a 21 year old newly qualified teacher in a difficult Outer London state school than being a newly-wed. My husband suggested that I take up running which I initially thought was a daft idea. I barely had time to fit in life's essentials without taking up a physically exhausting pastime. However, I was persuaded to join the Reebok Running Sisters in Bushy Park and I took part in a six-week course with the goal of a three mile fun run at the end. To begin with I could run for about three minutes before I had to slow to a walk to get enough oxygen. Gradually I improved and I completed the final run without stopping. I would still say that is my greatest running achievement to date.
Since then I have run two marathons (a long time ago!) and probably a dozen half-marathons and many more 10 kilometre races. With each of my three pregnancies, morning sickness has prevented me from running at all and by the time I was over the sickness I was too pregnant and unfit to take it up again. So each time I have had to pick myself up and start over after the arrival of the baby.
I have learned a lot from running. In June I ran a 10k: It was hot and I wasn't well recovered from walking in Snowdonia the weekend before. I took a few minutes before the race to think through all my doubts: 'It will hurt, I will be thirsty, I will want to stop, What is the point? I'll be too tired to play with the children this afternoon ...' and I made a decision not to pay any attention. I put my metaphorical fingers in my ears and chanted 'I'm not listening' to that internal voice. And I ran. It did hurt, I was very thirsty and I was exhausted. But not once did I give into the voices. Although I didn't get a personal best time, for the first time ever I had run with absolute confidence and I was proud of myself.
In two weeks I will be going up to Newcastle with my running partner and dear friend Kate to run the Great North Run, which is 13.1 miles: a half-marathon. Despite getting my training off to a good start, the last few weeks have been hard going and I have not run as far or as fast as I would have liked. I have reached a stage in my life where I have realised that without a significant increase in training I will not get faster, I will not get a personal best.
In a funny way this ties in with blogging, because it is another aspect of my life where I never quite feel good enough. I belong to a club but am one of the slowest runners and so the winter evening run is a test of stamina and commitment for me as I try desperately to keep the end runners in sight so I don't get lost. My running partner is naturally faster than me and, although we enjoy a good natter on an hour long run, I always have the sneaking suspicion that she would rather be going faster. Paula Radcliffe runs a marathon at a pace faster than I can sprint. I always tend to look at those doing better than me, not those who aren't.
So I am re-evaluating my goals for running. I love running, especially after a full-on day with the children when I find the quiet, the rhythm of my feet and the space to think a blessing. So often I am tying up my trainers muttering about not wanting to do this and I come home invigorated and inspired. I like pushing myself physically and completing tough sessions. I like the fact that I can eat more cake and chocolate and maintain my weight than if I didn't run. I like to run with my running partner and catch up on all her news and share mine. I like racing occasionally because there is a fun atmosphere and it's interesting to see how I'm doing.
I guess if my sense of achievement comes from reaching my goals, it is very important that they are realistic. For the Great North Run, I will be switching my focus from the clock to the weekend away in a new city, the party atmosphere of a big race, the enjoyment of my physical fitness and wellness and the freedom I have to run.
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