Reading the Label

Sitting outside my freshly erected tent on Friday evening, I noticed a man approaching me. A man with two dogs and a child - my child! He introduced himself and informed me that he had rescued my middle son from a thorn bush. After I thanked him and he had gone on his way, I asked my son how he had got into the thorn bush. Apparently, it was the only way out of the field he was in. I asked him why he hadn't stayed on the path and he told me that he hadn't been on a path in the first place!

On Saturday a friend told me that she'd suggested quite firmly to him that wriggling under the static caravans wasn't a good idea, even if it was to rescue a ball.

On Sunday evening, my neighbour told me that my son had proudly informed him earlier in the day that he'd found an axe when he has slipped into the marquee before it was open and found it backstage. My neighbour was impressed with the size of the axe, which he had taken away and handed back to the crew.

I pondered these incidents. Once I had moved on from the horrors of what could have happened I was struck by a new and powerful realisation: he will always be like this! He is an adventurer, a confident, independent and physical child. He already talks about the round the world trip he will take in a camper van when he is a grown up. For a long time now I have been waiting for him to calm down, to be more sensible, more safe, more like his brother. But I don't think he will and my view of him has abruptly come into focus: this is who he is and my role is to equip him to be safe in his adventures.

I have consistently fallen into the trap of seeing my eldest as the blue print and I miss the uniqueness of all of my three children by doing this. At HESFES I briefly attended a seminar on the legal aspects of Home Ed and was reminded that UK law states that a child must be educated according to their 'age, ability and aptitude.' Ability is what the child has already achieved. Aptitude is the natural talents and interests that a child has, the child's scope for development in the future. Each of my children is one-of-a-kind and my role is to encourage, support and provide for three distinct aptitudes. My middle son needs equipping with survival skills, organisational strategies, physical skills, road safety; I need to help him find ways of looking after himself and taking responsibility for himself, of making sure he has what he needs. I need to look for ways of letting him have adventures. He is already a Beaver and I am sure that Scouts will be full of opportunities for him. I will get find Ray Mears or Bear Grylls DVDs; I will send him camping with trusted male adults. I want to figure out what nourishment I can give his emergent nature.

I am cautious of labelling people: one son is my adventurer and the other my quiet writer. Labels are unhelpful, even dangerous, when they close my eyes to the possibility of change or experiment, of other; if they become a limit. If they are a signpost to recognising the unique needs, desires, competencies and aptitudes of my three children, enabling me to encourage them to be who they are, who they were created to be and to discover all their potential then it is important that I carefully read the label.