Saturday, 29 November 2008

Indecision

Two years ago, our church began to plan for a second team to visit Watoto in Uganda. I was tempted, but couldn't see how I could take two weeks out of my life and away from the children to visit Africa and I decided not to go. God, however, had other ideas and in April 2007 I found myself trekking in the Mountains of the Moon in South West Uganda for a reality tv show for the BBC!

Our church are now planning another Ugandan visit in August 2009. Knowing that there would be another trip, I had thought all along that I would go, and I immediately paid my deposit cheque. But I am still undecided. If I am honest with myself, it would be a huge relief not to go. The trip will be just over a fortnight and, while my husband is very willing to let me go, I feel that it is a long time to be away from the family. It is also very expensive, and a lot of the family's money to spend on just me. However, I was convinced it was what God wanted for me and I would love to be involved in the team and the work they will be doing. I'm stuck. Is it fear that makes me feel uneasy about going: do I just need to step out in faith? Or is it a different kind of fear propelling me to go: fear of feeling left out, fear of missing out; am I still listening to a message from God which is past its sell-by date?

3 comments:

JoVE said...

Only you can work out the priorities, but I'm sure some of your fears stem from a dominant representation of motherhood as always putting children and husband before self. You are not being selfish doing this. You are helping people who need that help more than your family do.

As for the money, maybe you can find a way to raise some funds towards the trip. Since the trip isn't about you, but about the work you will be doing with people in Uganda, others might be willing to help defray those costs. Since you are a runner, maybe asking people to sponsor a run would be a good method for you. Or you could let your friends and extended family know that this is important for you but there are financial costs and that you would love them to donate to that trip instead of buying you material things for Xmas and birthdays.

Just some ideas. You maybe need to meditate a bit on this. Hugs.

Kathy said...

We have a heart for Uganda as our dear friend has many ministries there (www.activeblessing.com)and we are, in our small way, involved. She's going back again soon and I feel that either dh or I will go one day.

Looking forward to hearing what you decide you are to do!

Gaynor said...

Uganda is a country that has long been on my heart and we have been aware of Watoto for many years now as our last church had a link. It is possible that the trip may be a little cheaper and shorter, which would make me feel easier about going. I have until Sunday to make up my mind ...