Trust

Last week, as we were going out for dinner, my husband asked where I would like to be in three years time. This kind of conversation has been a favourite over the years - planning out our future. In a box upstairs, I even have our 25 year plan neatly written out! However, my heart was not in it this time - I just can't imagine what I will be doing in three years. I hope I will still be Home Educating my children and I think it's very unlikely that we will move house, so it would seem that the fundamental structure of my life won't change. My husband is ambitious in his job and has a career plan in mind, but there are no promotions to aim for in my line of work.
I have no idea what will come up for me. In the past I have trained as a gym instructor, completed a triathlon, taken courses in story-telling and bread-making and, while all were a lot of fun, none have made any major impact on my life. In February, I am starting a Creative Writing course and I am currently enjoying playing around with some writing ideas, but whether this will bear any fruit, or whether I will enjoy it for a while and then put it down again, remains to be seen.
I came across some words this morning which gave clarity how I'm feeling:

The way of trust is a movement into obscurity, into the undefined, into
ambiguity, not into some pre-determined, clearly delineated future. The next
step discloses itself only out of discernment of God acting in ... the
present moment.

Brennan Manning, quoted in God On Mute
by Pete Greig

This gives a context for my unwillingness to plan my future, and an aim, a goal of sorts, to pay attention to where God is acting now and to let Him lead me into the future, whatever that's going to be.