I have written 650 posts. But it's getting harder and harder to write. The holiday made it easier, something to write about. And my little girl's birthday. But other than that, the critical voices are getting too hard to ignore. I'm not sure if they're real. Some of them certainly are, but maybe many of them are not. Just in my head. Embroidered, embellished by real comments from real people. It's a temptation to argue with them through this blog and I'm beginning to think I might sound like one of those crazy people you occasionally see in the street, muttering and gesticulating, far away tangled in a dispute with no-one they can see.
My life has changed dramatically in the last year. I have changed my life. I opened my eyes to my own unhappiness and took responsibility. I have not blamed anyone else; I have chosen not to remain but have moved on. Many people are unhappy with me and have expressed it in different ways, from silence to outright condemnation, accusations to lukewarm words and withdrawal. I am sorry my actions have made others uncomfortable, it was certainly not my intention, but it has not been possible to rescue myself without having an impact on others. To those who condemn, I would ask: do you think I should have chosen to remain where I was unhappy? Do you think I should have denied how I felt or somehow made myself feel different? To those who judge I would ask: do you know of what you speak? Do you think that you know me better than I know myself? To those of you who have loved me, who have listened, who have asked with respect, and who have smiled with me as I have chosen life, I thank you.
This blog is going to be silent for a while. I don't know for how long, maybe a little while, maybe forever. I wish you well with your journey as I continue with mine.Xx