Friday, 2 December 2011

All of a rush

I am definitely someone who does things in a rush. I sometimes think that I deliberately, though sub-consciously, generate lateness. I faff about, fiddle with things and waste time and then, all of a rush, find myself dashing out of the door.
Last September I thought it might be a nice idea to consider getting a puppy, perhaps in the spring. I had a conversation with a friend in which we agreed, on the Saturday morning, that it just wan't a good time to introduce a new dog. By Monday evening we had arranged to buy Coco!
My life has turned upside down this summer and starting back to term in September everything was totally different. Yet, at the beginning of July I had no real inkling of the storm that was coming.
Ideas often ferment in the depths of my brain and arrive, fully formed, in my conscious thinking.
Worries that have been hanging over me for weeks have finally come out into the light in the last week or so. I have faced up to and am with some tricky issues. Some have been easier than I feared, some much harder and many are as yet unresolved but I have been reflecting on a conversation I had recently, telling a friend of my progress in an area that, only a fortnight ago, I had been too scared and overwhelmed to face. Unexpected problems have come up, obstacles that seemed to be insurmountable, but I have come up with a plan, received love and support and am working, bit by bit, to bringing my hopes to fruition.
The reactions of others still causes me surprise, from the outright coldness of those I never dreamt would let me down to the unexpected solidarity from someone I hardly know. A close friend, whose initial reaction to the events of the summer hurt me and caused me to consider ending the friendship, empathised with and reflected back with a sensitivity and understanding that brought tears to my eyes.
As Christmas approaches and I begin to open the doors on my calendar I am shocked by how different my life it to this time last year and how suddenly it has all happened, but also excited about the new doors opening and the hope for all our futures.

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