Socialisation

Coco attended her second obedience class today, although, as the trainer told us, it is not the dogs that cause problems but the owners! Among the benefits of these classes is Coco's socialisation. She is learning to meet and relate to other dogs. Puppy socialisation is very important and is mentioned in every one of the puppy books I've read. She must meet all sorts of people, in all sorts of places and, of course, all sorts of dogs. She needs to meet bicycles and umbrellas and people in hats and other animals and she needs to be exposed to as many different situations as possible. One random article from a quick Google search suggests the dog not only meeting all kinds of people, ("Include men, women, youngsters, oldsters, different ethnic backgrounds, etc.") and animals ("invite ... healthy, vaccinated dogs, puppies and even cats to your home to meet and play with your new puppy") but also taking her to places ("Carry your pup to shopping centers, parks, school playgrounds, etc; places where there are crowds of people and plenty of activity.") and out in the car ("Take your puppy for short, frequent rides in the car.")

I am not sure why children are assumed to learn socialisation in classes of other children, pretty much like themselves, but puppies learn it from the whole, wide world.

Hurry

I spent the weekend at St Michael's convent in Ham. For various reasons, it's a long time since I've been and it felt like going home. It's a very special place to me and somewhere where I can connect with God and with myself, with my need to rest and to meander. I slept 11 hours solid on Friday night, and 10 on Saturday, and enjoyed a lesuirely rise into the day, thinking fondly of my puppy who would have had me out in the dark and cold at 6:30am. (And thanks for my husband for doing both dawn and dusk duty.)
While I often bemoan my busy life, I am beginning to see that a great deal of the stress I feel is fictional. Not that I make it up just to say I'm stressed, but that I generate such internal stress that I project it out onto my external environment. I have long suspected this, but when I found myself getting worked up at all I had to do to tidy my room when I was on retreat, I realized that this is how I feel and not the truth. And I know that at home I erupt this stress all over my family, who are frequently caught in the lava flow and so it spreads. They pass it on to each other, the tension levels rise and soon we are all sick with the stress virus.
I was reminded of the passage in Mark's gospel where Jesus speaks of the greatest commandments: to love God wholeheartedly and to love our neighbour as ourselves. No other commandment ranks with these. Not 'Thou shalt educate your children', not 'Thou shalt provide nutritious meals', not 'Thou shalt clean the house and do all the laundry', not even 'Thou shalt blog and answer all your e-mails'. Just love: love God, love your neighbours, (and I think in this case my children are my closest neighbours.) So today I have tried to respond in every moment in love. I've tried to listen, I've tried not to chide, I've tried to stop for a hug, I've tried not to shout. With God's help, I've even managed it a few times!

Spooked

While Coco, the puppy, has been settling in very well (only one indoor pee yesterday, and that on the lino), Barney, the cat, is less happy. He has been content to stay upstairs all day everyday, eat in the bathroom and allow us to open the front door for him whenever he'd like to go out, but I am beginning to feel that I need to work on our own entente cordiale. So yesterday, with Coco in her crate and being fed treats to keep her otherwise entertained, I brought the cat through the kitchen, past his arch-enemy. He puffed up and growled, but we made it through. We did this twice and later, while the cat was in the garden, I took Coco out on the lead. Barney took moments to disappear although the puppy showed no interest in him at all.
I didn't see Barney again until this morning! He showed up at the front door but was reluctant to come in. I had to round him up like an unskilled sheepdog and finally lunged at and caught him. I really needed him home as he is due at the vets for his booster vaccinations (having missed them last week due to running away from the dog). Poor Barney, he really is having a bad week!

Puppy Obedience

Coco attended her first puppy obedience class this week. She was very, very excited about her first trip away from the house and about meeting other puppies. She was the newest in her class of four and had a good stab at all the exercises. It was fascinating to see how the trainer could get each and every one of the puppies doing exactly as she wanted but the owners couldn't always. It is so easy, and so tempting, to blame the dog when it is actually myself to blame. If I am not clear, or give mixed messages, or expect the puppy to follow a command which she is not familiar with, I set myself and Coco up for failure, irritiation and even anger. One lady on the class found any and every excuse to explain why her dog would not behave for her, at one time even claiming that her arms were too long! If I tell Coco, "Good girl!" when she is sitting and I want her to wait before she jumps on the sofa or heads through the door, she thinks she has done what I asked her to do, so is it any surprise that she jumps up or heads out? So I am learning to use the command "Wait" and accepting that when I forget I will get the behaviour I don't want.
I am beginning to see the parallels with parenting. As I pick at the children because I feel stressed and overworked, so they start to pick at each other; as I shout "Stop yelling!" the noise levels increase and the loving communication decreases. With both puppy and children, I need to look at what my attitude and behaviour is asking of them, not just my words.

Work

About five years ago, a very wise and mature Christian prayed for me, and spoke of a three-fold annointing of Wife, Mother and Teacher. Nothing Else. What is my work? And how do gardening, visiting neighbours, training the puppy, running, watercolour classes, cleaning the house, reading books, attending a church small group or service, tutoring A Level Physics, watching X-Factor, drinking coffee with friends, visiting and keeping in touch with wider family and all the other things I want to and need to do, fit in? When is it right to rest, and how much? When am I called to give sacrificially of my time and energy and when am I called to steward well the resources God has given me? When am I called to work hard, to serve, and when do I put my trust in God's faithful provision for myself and others? Without a doubt I am trying to fit more into my life than God intends at the moment. I'm just not sure which are the 'too much' bits.

"As you learn more and more how God works, you will learn how to do your work." (Colossians 1, The Message)

"What if your job is to figure out, from one moment to the next, how to stay in the flow? ... The Spirit is already at work in you... your only job is not getting in the way." (John Ortberg, The Me I Want to Be)

A New Me

Tesco Diets welcomed me to the new me this morning! This is because, after 8 weeks, I have achieved my weight loss goal of 1 stone. For a long time I have been feeling that my weight is creeping up on me. I think I have a fairly comfortable relationship with food and I run a fair amount (though never quite as much as I'd like to) so I was certainly not fat and my BMI was within the healthy zone. But only just. Weight, and weight loss, is riddled with angst, anxiety and discomfort. I did not want to set my children a bad example or contribute to body image issues for them by being over-weight or obsessively dieting; I did not want to be a slave to a diet, depriving myself of one of life's pleasures for the sake of an unrealistic body, but I did not want to end up 50 and a stone overweight because I had let it slip. I talked openly and honestly with the children about my reasons: health, BMI, the gradual weight gain of middle age, and I still ate cake for poetry tea and on my birthday. I tried not to say that I wasn't "allowed" a certain food, but instead spoke aloud the truth that I was choosing to limit what I ate to attain a certain goal which I had set myself, and I have stuck fairly well to the menus that Tesco have provided. And I have lost a stone! I have caught myself in the past thinking that I would be happier if I were just that bit lighter, but I am not happier, my jeans are a little looser, but not much, and not one person has commented that I look different (not counting my husband's loyal answers to "Can you tell I've lost weight?") I am not a new me, but I am pleased with myself, my self-control and my slightly slimmer silhouette. And I am going to have a chocolate brownie with my tea this afternoon!

Busy Week

I am not sure where all my time has gone this week, but it has felt particularly fraught. I know that the puppy is largely responsible, but I'm just not sure how she has consumed my time. The children have been incredibly mature and responsible, willingly taking her in the garden, clearing up poop outside and wee inside and hiding in the garden to teach her to come when called.
Both my sons needed to visit the doctors today, and my eldest shooed me away from the surgery door and had the consultantion alone. While I was impressed and pleased with his independence, another part of me marked it as a sign of his growing up and away. Of course there is a time in the future when I won't even be aware that my children have been to their GPs, but it felt strange and sudden not to be in there, not to know.
Life changes. While I think that I crave it getting easier, I find that, as my children are growing up I have brought a dependent puppy into my home. I have had plenty of 'pit-of-the-stomach moments' this week, wondering what on earth we've done, whether I will actually be able to cope with this dog. Dog owners reading this, tell me, does it get easier? I really need to hear right now that it does, as I wipe up yet another pee, or take yet another shoe from her saying, with decreasing calmness, "Not for dogs."
I'm would love to write more, but I have an excited puppy and hungry children ...